My friends make cute kids, I know.
In the past 2 years, I have had 10+ plus friends either have babies or find out they are pregnant. That is 10ish close friends, which means I am not even counting the amount of facebook/acquaintances who have had babies and or found out they are pregnant for the first or second time. Pretty sure every other photo on my instagram stream is of a baby. That is a lot. Now either a. I have too many friends and should start making cuts to save my ovaries from the pressure or b. baby season is in full bloom because I am at THAT age..
Stephen and I want children, though the thought still scares the crap out of me. I am such a control freak and losing control of my body and life for an extended time plus FOREVER totally gives me the sweaty palms. I also cannot imagine my life without a little Stephen(s) running around (I say Stephen because I was such a little B when I was little).
Until that one day happens, I have been noticing the changes that occur in relationships and friendship when friends start having kids. It’s hard. There are things I don’t understand, and things my parent friends don’t understand. Mom’s naturally lose themselves sometimes to motherhood, and the childless friends have a hard time understanding why they can’t make time. It is all normal and no one is right or wrong, but the changes are there and it’s a struggle for both parties to adapt. For a while I started to feel really alone and disconnected. I couldn’t relate and would get annoyed and frustrated. I felt like my opinions on parenting (which I only even voice within the confines of the closest relationships) didn’t matter because I didn’t have kids yet. My friends would NEVER say that was the case, but how can it not be? I may have over a decade of working with and studying the behavioral traits of children, but if I were a parent I wouldn’t be jumping to hear the opinions of others who hadn't experienced it yet. I am also acutely aware of how my opinions may change when I DO have children.
All that to say, I still want to be a part of the conversation and a part of the experience, but the latter is just physically impossible.
My best friends who have kids are really great about balancing it all. I give them major props for going the extra mile and making time, getting sitters, taking a phone call or text. Not to mention I LOVE spending time with their kids. I mean, my friends have some seriously gorgeous offspring. My goddaughter is the sassiest funniest little toddler there is and I am obsessed with her. However, there is still that shift that takes place where we sort of have to get up and shuffle around to find a position that works and feels comfortable and then sit back down again. .
Thankfully, Stephen and I started going to a marriage group every other Sunday. It sounds a bit cheesy, and Stephen is still a little unsure about the religious aspect to it, but we can’t deny that being in a small community of other couples, (most who I have known for years) who are in the same phase of life as us, has not made a huge difference in how we feel.
Anyone else going through this? I imagine I am definitely not alone here.